Finding Safety

The Webster dictionary defines safety as “ the condition of being safe from undergoing or causing hurt, injury, or loss.”

The term “safety” can encompass many different things: physical safety, emotional safety, financial safety, and food safety. I am sure there is more to add to that list. However, most of our needs for safety usually derive from one of those areas. Safety (or the lack of safety) can sneak into your life in subtle ways. For example, think about the last time you were paid. Did you feel a lump in your throat thinking about possibly not having enough to pay bills? Or do you find gratefulness in knowing you have it covered? Or Have you ever felt triggered when having a conflict (small or big) with your partner(s)? All of these are examples of how safety can play such a huge part in our lives.

The unfortunate news is when our brain does not feel safe we activate our flight, flight, freeze, fawn response. This can leave us making poor decisions, spitting our words that could be hurtful, stonewalling, or even physical aggression.

For some of us, with the presidential elections afoot, your safety could feel jeopardized. Below are some helpful ways to redefine our safety and take action to change the narrative.

• Redefine safety

  To redefine safety, you must first decide what safety is for you.

  • Take a moment to think: “What makes me feel warm and cozy? What helps when I am feeling overwhelmed? Is it your old childhood blanket? Is it a specific scent? What about a certain room in your home?

  • Once that is established, ask yourself the following. What about this makes me feel safe? Is it because it was the only stable thing in my life that never left? Does it remind you of someone who was always there for you?

  • Can you recreate that feeling in other things? What other things bring a similar emotion for you? Is there a way to bring that into your safe space?

• Remind yourself of control in the situation

  Can you change something in your life that re-establishes safety for you? If the answer is no, then what can YOU do to create safety?

  • Can you attend local protests re: an issue? Can you establish a safety plan with your therapist? What about helping educate others? What is within your control (behaviors you can do) to put safety back in your hands?

  • It is very easy to let your brain become enraged with things outside our control. However, part of taking the power back is recognizing the control YOU hold.

• Find grounding skills

  Of course, this is is a therapist blog, did you think I would not mention grounding skills? When the Amygdala (part of your brain) is triggered, we need grounding skills to let our brain know—we are safe. Grounding skills help with this. They are the most effective when we allow time everyday to practice them, too. You can find a starter list here or talk to your therapist!

• Find Support

  The healing journey can be a tricky one if we do not have support. (Especially if you are having to redefine safety in your relationship) We all need help sometimes and THAT IS OKAY.

  • You can find a list of therapists on my “resources” tab. You can also utilize Psychology Today or your insurance portal.